Ren looked up from the decree he was drafting as Tango flew into his throne room through the open door. He was wearing regal armour, sculpted to suit—well, a king—and there was barely any red to be seen on his outfit. Was Tango dabbling in story magic, then? Ren smiled. This was gonna be great, if Tango was getting himself involved!
“Tango!” Ren greeted, brimming with enthusiasm, a wide grin breaking across his face, “It’s so good to see you, dude! It’s a shame you couldn't make it to the past couple meetings.”
“Yeah.” There was something off about Tango’s voice, something dry and bitter and jealous. “Shame.”
“You’re not here to declare sovereignty of your citadel, are you?” Ren asked. Tango shook his head, laughing. Bdubs pulled out his sword from where he stood behind Ren. He knew that laugh. He knew that laugh all too well. Coming from Tango, that was a dangerous laugh, one that spelled danger.
“Ren…” Bdubs tried to caution. Ren didn’t seem to notice, as Tango began to speak.
“No, no, not at all!” he said, “I would never dream of cutting myself off from the server. I’ve gotta say, though, it’s… interesting how you just… declared yourself king of the server!”
“Hey!” Bdubs protested, “I declared him king!”
“Well then! What’s to stop someone else from doing that?” Tango clapped his hands, and Zed came gliding in. He was wearing some kind of cold-weather gear mixed with armour made of glowing, enchanted ice.
“Honestly, I think Tango should be king,” Zed spoke, taking a protective stance in front of Tango, drawing a spear made from the same ice as his armour. The line sounded rehearsed, and Zed’s voice was an awful lot colder, like something had come along and scooped all the Zedaphy stuff out of him. It sent a shiver down Bdubs’ spine.
“Well, hey now,” Ren put his hands in the air, blocking Bdubs from taking a stance that matched Zedaph’s, “I don’t think this is what you want. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, am I right?” he chuckled nervously, “No?”
Zed made brief eye contact with Tango, and Tango gave the tiniest of nods in Ren’s direction. In one fluid, swift motion, Zed lunged for Ren, pinning him to the wall with his free hand while holding the point of his spear at Ren’s throat. Bdubs let out a strangled yell, and lunged for Zed, but before he could get within range, Tango fired a bolt of ice at his feet, trapping him where he stood. Bdubs cried out, but he couldn’t get himself free.
“Now, Ren…” Tango flicked his wrist, and the ice began to slowly climb up Bdubs’ legs. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.” Zedaph grabbed Ren’s communicator from where it sat next to the throne. “Let the Hermits know you’re passing the crown to me, and I’ll let you both leave here with your lives.”
“Never,” Ren growled, although all the bravado in the world couldn’t have disguised his worry for Bdubs, who was now knee-deep in ice.
“Alright.” Tango shrugged, “I guess we’re doing this the hard way.” He fired a similar bolt of ice at Ren, pinning him where he stood. Tango nodded to Zed, and he stepped away from Ren, holding his spear at his side. “If you don’t abdicate, you’ll both be trapped in ice. But you won’t die. I’ll make sure of that. All you’ll know is a never-ending cold.”
“Tango!” Bdubs yelled, causing the man to turn around, “What are you doing? This isn’t like you!” He struggled against the ice, which had climbed up to his waist.
Tango growled, and walked over to Bdubs, whispering something in his ear. The blood drained from Bdubs’ face.
“That’s not fair!” he protested, struggling against the ice creeping over his chest in an attempt to get at Tango.
“All is fair in love and war, Bdubs.” Tango shook his head, and turned to Ren. “Now, time is running short, if you catch my drift—”
“Hey!”
“—So what’ll it be?” Tango asked. “I get the throne either way, just so you know.”
“I’d never sell out my fellow Hermits.” Ren hissed, his own icy prison reaching up to his waist by now.
“Even Bdubs?” Tango nodded at the guy, who was struggling to lift his chin away from the creeping ice. “Because he’s looking pretty sold-out right now. You’re running out of time to make your choice.”
Ren took a deep breath.
“I guess—”
“NO!” Bdubs yelled. Tango and Ren turned their heads to look at him. “Whatever you do, don’t give—mmph!” The ice covered Bdubs’ mouth before he could finish what he was saying, but the message got across loud and clear. Ren watched helplessly as Bdubs was fully encapsulated.
Tango shook his head, disappointed.
“A real shame, isn’t it? You could’ve saved him.” Tango grabbed Ren’s face, bringing the two of them closer. “You still can.”
“No.”
Tango laughed.
“This is getting ridiculous! Just give in, Ren, and this’ll all be over! I’ll let you go free!” he grinned, poking at Ren's icy prison. “Just officially abdicate, and I’ll spare you. The throne is all I want.”
“I’m—I’m never gonna give up!” Ren grunted, as the ice began to creep up over his chin.
“Ah.” Tango tsked, disappointed. “You’ve really let me down, buddy.” And with a flick of his wrist, he sped up the ice’s progress, fully encapsulating Ren. “Shame it had to go that way, huh?”
“Of course, my liege.”
Tango sat on the throne, testing it out for size. It fit him perfectly, and he settled into it, looking out over the throne room. It was very… red. Tango wasn’t sure he liked the colour red anymore, it was just so season 8, you know? He’d need to get Zed to replace it all with a nice, frigid blue.
Speaking of replacing things, actually...
Tango stood up and looked out the window, at the verdant meadows, at the flowing Hermississippi, at the blooming birch forest. The sticky summer heat was oppressive, burning at his skin, eating away at his powers. It didn’t suit his kingdom, not one bit. He was going to have to do something about it.
Thankfully, he had a plan.
“Come here, Zed.” He beckoned Zed closer. Zed stepped up behind him, watching from over his shoulder.
“Yes, my liege?”
“Watch this.” Tango grinned.
He extended his hand out the window, and let his powers run loose. A glowing ball of magic and ice coalesced in front of his hand, growing and pulsing with every second Tango held the charge. After half a minute or so, the orb was about equal in width to the window, and Tango pulled his hand back. It remained floating there, until with one sudden, fluid movement, Tango gave it a shove. In response to the sudden movement, it exploded out across the server.
As Tango stepped up to the throne he’d just claimed, the temperature dropped sharply and dark clouds began to coalesce in the sky.
“Well, Zed,” Tango purred as he sat back in his throne, framed by the frozen bodies of Ren and Bdubs, the first few snowflakes of the coming blizzard falling outside the windows, “I think it’s high time we tell the Hermits about our little change of regime, don’t you think?”